( ayabe )

[hamaoned]

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wk 3; monday

[hamaoned]

[ honestly, by the time ken makes it back to the room, it's because he's worn out from having to relive memories he rather not want to be dug up again (and again, and again)... the one that keeps being brought up and causes his skin to grow increasingly uncomfortable is.

well.

are his hand stained red because of this? ]

I hate this place.

[ no malice, just exhaustion. ]

[kazokun]

[ Oh, he hates this too. The memory had hit when Ken was still outside the door, Ayabe sitting on the bed but by the time Ken opens the door, it's to Ayabe with his head bowed and tears falling to wet the open pages of the book in his lap.

He's quick to scrub his face off with his sleeve, because it's not his memory but

somehow, it just feels worse. ]

Sorry, I— ...Are you okay?

[ Having to see this, to relive it, it must be worse for Ken. ]

[hamaoned]

[ they say that sometimes when you poke at something that hurts enough times it stops hurting... it's what they say, but it's not the truth. so while ken isn't crying he does try not to look so exhausted for his roommate who...

well, the tears, related or not, are things to be concerned about. ]

I should be the one to apologize—sorry.

[ he'll try to offer the meekest and apologetic of smiles. ]

I know you didn't expect to see something like that.

[ or even want to. ]

[kazokun]

[ Yeah, he didn't want to; it's such a private thing, and that's why he feels worse about it, closing his book and setting it to the side. ]

I didn't.

[ He opens his mouth to ask something but then shuts it, changing his mind to repeat the question because Ken never answered him. ]

Are you okay? Really. Seeing your... [ who is Shinjiro to him? ] Seeing him, like that...

[hamaoned]

[ ken causally takes a seat on the chaise (his bed) and adverts his gaze from ayabe for the moment as he tries to figure out how to go about this. sure, others might have seen it but...everyone is different and ken stays here. ]

I'm fine; this wasn't the first time that I had to see it again.

[ as if that makes things better right?? ]

He was my senpai.

[ which is the best way to describe it for the moment. ]

[kazokun]

[ That makes things so much worse!!! that he has to relive this memory a billion times; Ayabe wouldn't be surprised if Ken decided to pack his things and live in the forest for the rest of the week to get away from it all. ]

That must have been tough... We don't have to talk about this, but if you ever want to...

[ The offer's open, but there's not much he can do but to pull Ken behind him like he can shield him from the world and that's about the opposite that Ken would want. ]

[hamaoned]

[ ken really doesn't, if anything, he's just going to try to see how ayabe is handling it all. clearly he was worried about him before he knew anything about his history and where he came from. with this... ]

I don't mind. It doesn't bother me much anymore.

[ "much" because of course it bugs him! he obsessed over shinji's death and what it meant for him for a while, after all. still— ]

I bet you have a few questions, though. You ask, if you'd like.

wk3, friday

[kazokun]

[ I can't believe Ayabe goes to the infirmary to see Ken and he's not there, it's going to be like Luna all over again where Ayabe is forced to hunt his target down and he starts from the ground up and ends up at the astronomy tower as the very last place he checks, giving Ken ample time to have made it to the top. ]

There... you are... Ken. [ cough, wheeze ] Have you had breakfast yet?

[ It is 7:46 AM. ]

[hamaoned]

[ sorry ayabe... he isn't great at not being where he's supposed to be and generally needing to not be active. gotta keep going and doing his best, right?? that said he'll greet him with a smile. ]

Good morning.

[ there's a definite wheeze when he speaks and his voice is soft. his neck has been completely bandaged up and so have the entirety of both of his arms. on his face is a giant piece of gauze and wrapping that covers the left side of his face and ear. ]

But not yet; I wanted to get out of the infirmary for some fresh air... Are you okay?

[kazokun]

Better than you.

[ They're both wheezing for different reasons, but Ayabe is still far better off, him being able to catch his breath as long as he stands there clutching the door frame for a minute or so and doesn't have to climb any more stairs. All those Tartarus climbs really worked Ken's legs, he has no trouble with them. ]

I thought you'd have to rest longer, so I brought breakfast over to the infirmary for everybody who shouldn't leave. Your share is probably gone by now.

[hamaoned]

[ as ayabe collects himself, ken will turn properly to face him. if there's any worry about ken not being comfy, he has made himself a nice pillow fort to sit in as he took time for himself. ]

It's okay; I'm sure I can get some later, but thank you. I'm sure the others appreciated it.

[ or he'll run into someone who would take mercy on his soul and make him breakfast, which is the more true statement of the two. there's a moment before he speaks up again— ]

...and sorry for the scare.

[ because even if ayabe hasn't said it yet, ken's not stupid. ]

[kazokun]

[ The plan was to find Ken and deliver the food, but after running around half the mansion with no luck, the rest of given to the infirmary crew before it got cold. He'll make Ken breakfast later. ]

It's not your fault. I know you wouldn't... [ "do something stupid on purpose," but then again, who was it that tried to pick up a rat with his bare hands? ]

Well. It's in the past, and I'm just glad you're safe. Will you tell me what happened?

[hamaoned]

[ ken really made a first impression on ayabe, didn't he? either way he can sort of guess what would go into the blanks that ayabe left at the end of his sentence. or, well, make an educated guess of what some of the choices could be. ]

Yeah, I can tell you what happened. A lot happened very quickly.

[ and yet at the same time, it didn't feel like there was enough that they took away from the situation. regardless, ken gives himself a moment to catch his breath and figure out the best way to quickly summarize what happened. ]

We saw someone who claimed to be Master Blue except they weren't. I'm not sure who they were, in reality since we never got the chance to ask them, but we managed to get some things from them.

wk 3; sunday

[hamaoned]

[ after ayabe has been treated and once he (hopefully) arrives back into their room, ken will be waiting for him. he's still banged up, of course, but better than he was yesterday. in his hand is one of the doggy bandaids that dazai often kept and along with something else that he was given. ]

Ayabe—

[ he fiddles with the small jar. ]

Do...do you feel like talking?

[kazokun]

[ He does go straight back to his room after getting beaned and picking himself off the floor. The magical bean healed him completely, no scarring, no pain, no evidence save for the torn and bloody clothes on his back that get tossed into a corner of the room instead of a hamper when Ayabe first enters the room. That's how upset he is, clothes just lying there in a heap instead of being washed out with cold water right away.

He's in the bathroom for quite some time, almost half an hour of the water running and him standing under it without much movement to be heard, but he does come out after, hair combed through with his fingers, eyes to the ground. ]

...not really. I don't know what to say.

[hamaoned]

[ ken is more than able and capable of giving anyone space from the beginning, so he's glad that ayabe is fully healed and totally fine (physically) when he enters the room. it means that ken can save his items for another day. and then while ayabe holes himself in the room, ken will quietly collect the clothes and put them away.

and when ayabe finally returns, ken remembers the kindness and patience that was shown to him. ]

I understand.

[ except...ken also doesn't want ayabe to bottle things up since he also knows how that goes. so he'll push, just a little. ]

But, you don't have to think about what you say. Sometimes if you just start talking you'll end up saying what you need to. [ a beat before he adds in slowly. ] ...we're friends, right?

[kazokun]

[ People kept visiting Ayabe while clearly injured and dying and all this time there's magical healing goop in this room that never gets brought up and I laugh.

Anyways, the question about them being friends genuinely takes him by surprise. Not because he's adverse to it (maybe a little, but in a general sense, not because of Ken) but because he's used to caring about people in a familiar sense. Him as the "onii-chan" whose job is to take care of others, and that caring only goes one way because little siblings don't have to worry about looking after their elders in return.

Friendship is mutual, and at the same time, foreign. ]

Um. Yeah... we can be friends.

[ Starting now, rank 1. ]

[hamaoned]

[ caitie never told me that nic gave it to ken!!!! weeps.

but ken isn't offended by ayabe's reaction because he's much the same. it's easy to assume where you stand with people but to put it out there in the open—it's kind of scary. ]

Alright. [ he says with a "nod" or as much of a nod he can manage while not straining his neck too much. ] Friends.

Then that means you don't have to worry about what you have to say around me. We're going to be in this together.

[ enjoy your new justice arcana ayabe. there are two flavors here and one is slightly less intense. ]

[kazokun]

[ Now you know and Ken still isn't using it to heal his neck, why!!! ]

Alright. Same with you, then. You don't have to hold anything back around me.

[ Ken can march right up to him and go "So hey, are you going to kill?" ]

wk 4; monday

[hamaoned]

[ well, due to how sunday played out and how things have been, ken is going to quietly watch ayabe and not interrupt him. or, well, that would be the case except he has something he wants to get out in the open. ]

Are you going to do it? Are you willing to kill someone?

[ why dance around the subject!! ]

[kazokun]

[ He opens his mouth in surprise at the first question, because wow, what a thing to start with. The second is much easier to answer: ]

Yes.

[ There's no hesitation, but there's no conviction either. Just... when he weighs the sin against the person he wants to save, there's no question. He would go through hell and back for her. The answer is yes, he's willing. ]

[hamaoned]

[ well, that's the verbal confirmation that ken was hoping he didn't hear but at the same time. does he not remember the memory that he saw of ken threatening to kill someone because of his rage? ]

Do you think you'll be able to carry that burden?

[ because he wants to test the conviction and the decision. ]

...or are you going to be like me and want to end it after you kill someone?

[kazokun]

Of course I will.

[ He says it easily, like he's never given such a thing much thought, like he doesn't understand the full weight of such a sin. Of course he hasn't. For him, who hasn't stewed in this more than a few hours, in his mind he's simply going to go home, hug his sister, never tell her anything, and carry the secret with him until he dies. ]

[hamaoned]

[ he...didn't answer his second question but that's fine.

and because of what happened during his break-in, ken will pull out a chef's knife that he started to carry with him. it's carefully wrapped up but he'll unwrap it for ayabe to take. ]

Then do it right now. [ he's testing ayabe just as shinji tested him. ] You want to save your family, right?

[kazokun]

What?

[ In his surprise, he takes the knife, somehow heavier now in his hands than whenever he uses such a knife to prepare food. ]

I'm not going to kill you. You're my- Just. No.

[ There are people here he cares much less for than Ken. If he were to kill, it wouldn't be him. ]